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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered "the local cafe serves breakfast until 11."Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said, "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?" You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."A man is seeking to join the Vancouver Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview says:"Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take. A vivid image of a strange lady with a friend of mine had flashed through my head. I don’t know why I had thought of it, but looking down I could tell at least something of me was happy about me. I groaned and rolled out of bed, little point in sleeping now, I was fully awake. I trotted over to the bathroom and leaned over the sink thinking. My reverie of thought had been broken when I looked up into the mirror, and saw not myself, but the strange woman from my dreams. I was enraptured by her flawless beauty. But before I had a chance to truly admire her body, she was gone. There before me was just that. Me. I shook off the event, and walked out to the kitchen and began making breakfast. I looked out the window while I waited for the coffee to heat up. The birds were making their nests, and the squirrels gathering their food. It was early autumn, and the trees were beginning to shed their leaves. The coffee finally finished making and I poured a cup and sat in silence, left to my.
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